The Price is Right has been defiled

Did I drop out of college for the semester, or did I just start summer vacation two months early? I'M AN IDIOT, SUMMER 2011 WOO

Its a lot harder to be worthless when you have no classes and no work to go to for a day. At that point, doing literally anything is better than whats on your agenda for the day. Case in point: I bagged up some trash just now. I'm at least 100% more productive than expected.

That only applies if you believe "day off" literally translates to "sit on the couch and eat Doritos and whatever that stuff is in the fridge."

I saw a Facebook status update complaining about how the cast of the Jersey Shore makes $100,000 an episode. Theres nothing wrong with that. The more we pay them, the higher our collective self-esteem grows. If people are willing to be friends with The Situation, that can give hope to every other self-absorbed dickhead out there.

Thats not very nice. Vinny seems like a nice guy, I'm sure he'll open a really acceptable laundromat with all of the money he's raked in.

Spring has finally come, and with it that awkward smell of 4 month old whatever was on the ground prior to the first snow. The smell of flowers, trees, and a half eaten Chipotle burrito fill the air.

Watching the Price is Right is the best way to make yourself feel better about your intelligence. I may be a temporary college dropout, but at least I know a brand new Mustang and the Holy Grail cost more than sixteen paperclips. Lookin' at you, dumb girl who managed to spin 95 cents on the big wheel. You're a disappointment.

Rarely do you see anything more exciting than those moments before someone hits the ground while they're falling. If you ever see people's faces in slow-motion while the faller is stumbling, all you see is delight and excitement. Nobody is interested in helping, and I'm ok with that.

I bet we could make everything slower and it'd be way more entertaining. We should get a bunch of girls to run around slowly and throw a ball at each other. We'll call it "women's basketball" and it'll make millions!

(sorry women's basketball.)